Day 93

The last smoke I extinguished was 93 days ago. This great since of accomplishment has been a battle of my mind. I really think it depicts the integrity of how much I can accomplish. If one has never been a smoker, then this is a bit more difficult for them to understand. Of course they don’t see the fascination with the cigarette. For example the Thanksgiving day, post turkey, tryptophan induced, belt loosening smoke. I think that’s my all-time favorite. There is just something about that situation that will forever wax in nostalgia for me. Damn, just thinking about it, it puts a smile on my face. To be quite frank and honest, there is a love / hate relationship with cigarettes. Of course I know all the ‘bad’ things about smoking and the general stupidity involved with knowing that information and yet still choosing to light’em up. I wish I could claim ignorance is bliss on this one, but I can’t.

I’ve spent the last half of my life smoking, and I’ve often thought about why I started. I’m sure there are people out there who want to know as well. Recently, I’ve put a lot of thought into this and I believe that it was one of the first adult decisions I made, albeit a stupid one, but it was my own. Even though it was thought to be difficult to obtain a pack, surprisingly, it was easier than you’d expect. I really think this was why, it was a chance for me and my friends to hang out, act like we thought adults did, and discuss what we thought at the time were adult topics. We were deep in the in-between years. Troubling times taboot.

There are days that pass where I don’t think about a cigarette all day and then there are other days where I’m fixated on the idea, and all that’ll help is another passing day and the extra X on the calendar. I didn’t go cold turkey, I’ve tried that before and failed with the first beer or night out. This time around I used the happy pills of Wellbutrin®. After being prescribed, I continued to smoke my normal pack a day for a week, I guess so the drug and the habit could be associated together, then one week out was the ‘New Beginning’ date. If 93 days ago, I knew I would make it this long, I don’t know if I would have believed anyone. The good thing is that my wife also made this commitment to quit as well, and that’s been a huge help for us both. This is something we’ve done together, which has been very difficult for us. Sure, there’s been a few nicotine induce bickering sessions between us, but those too have wained into the distant past. Now, we know that if one cheats then the other person gets a freebie smoke without any shit from the original offender. I know I don’t want to be responsible for her to start smoking again, so this little head game we’re playing is helping too.

Now, if only the healthcare industry can find a solution for emphysema, lung cancer, heart disease, longevity of vascular health and any other associated smoking diseases sometime soon, I’d be happy to give my hard earned cash to the tobacco companies, but until that day. I quit.

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Posted on August 12, 2008, in Reflections and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, including a difficult pregnancy, and losing my mom. Good for you, man. I remember making that stupid adult decision – probably with you – and I too lived to regret it. The spousal support thing is smart, that is how Lawnboy and I were able to do it for the last time (11 years ago!!!). Keep up the good work!

  2. Good for you homey. Honestly I figured you were a lifer and would probably never even consider quitting. But you beat me to it, and in doing so offer inspiration. Kudos!

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